Don't let that puppy sucker you

Sure, you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but that doesn't change the fact that old dogs are much better than puppies despite the contrary belief.

Think about it. What do old dogs have that young dogs lack? Lots of experience.

Yes, puppies are cute. But do you know how much work puppies are? You have to train them. They're very impatient. They slobber everywhere when they kiss you. And you have to keep them on a leash. Not to mention the fact that they try and hump every bit*h in sight.

Do not be fooled by their pouty eyes & wagging tail.

I say go to the humane society and get yourself an attractive and slightly older dog who is well behaved and who appreciates a good master when they see one. You'll be well pleased. I promise.

Special girls are like rare steaks

Most people like their steaks well-done, medium rare, hey, some even like them burnt. Very few people genuinely like their steaks rare.

A lot of people say they want someone different, special, unique. They want a rare-breed. But when it comes down to it, the majority of people mentally can't handle the idea of something raw.

For all of my rare-breads out there, no worries. Most people just can't handle you! But once you find someone who can, they'll think you're delicious!

Ouch

Some people are so fake they give me too-fakes. Be you boys & girls. Be. You.